


Let the Right One In

by madsthenerdygirl



Category: Castle
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 16:16:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6335746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madsthenerdygirl/pseuds/madsthenerdygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it's not just about tearing down those walls herself. Maybe it's also about letting the right person tear them down with her…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let the Right One In

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at fanfiction.net early in 2012 when I was seventeen, I'm crossposting this here on Ao3 with the rest of my work. I considered deleting these early works because of the writing quality but decided it was important to see the journey I have taken as a writer. So here it is, in all its melodramatic glory.

He thought he could take down her walls.

He thought he could break though the barricade, open her up and make her feel. He thought that she'd get better, or that maybe she wasn't as broken as she thought she was.

He was wrong.

He pushed too far, walking in where he wasn't invited, giving her too much space, being too gentle, being so understanding and patient that it made her sick. He didn't put in enough effort, yet he claimed her with a possessiveness that only irked her.

She really should have ended it long ago.

Dark, angry eyes accused her from his position next to the open door. She paced, trying not to lose her temper. She was the one with the problem--so why was he so offended?

"You don't get it, do you Kate?"

He always insisted on using her first name. It made her feel a little violated.

"Listen, Josh, you've been great. You're an amazing guy and you deserve someone who will appreciate you for all that you are. I'm just… I just can't be with anyone right now. Not until I can take care of my issues."

"This is about him, isn't it?" Josh practically spat the word.

Okay, that did it. Now she was angry.

Beckett whirled, ending the measured pacing she'd been employing the past few minutes in favor of attacking her ex-boyfriend.

"This has nothing to do with Castle. He is my partner and my friend, and I don't see why you've always had such a problem with him. You always got so territorial when he was around, and you always hate that I work with him. He has been nothing but supportive of our relationship and you do nothing but tell me how you don't like him. Get over yourself, damn it!"

"Are you really that blind?" Josh looked like he might laugh at the absurdity of it. "He's in love with you, Kate. Even I could see it. That's why I hated him. The way you acted with him… you're a shadow of yourself around me compared to when you're with him. So forgive me for being a little jealous, okay? Forgive me for being upset that my girlfriend is in love with someone else and doesn't even know it."

"Maybe because he was there for me when you weren't?"

"I tried to be there for you, Kate! I tried to help you and be supportive! But you wouldn't let me!"

"You went off to Haiti, Josh." Suddenly, Beckett was exhausted. She didn't want to fight, didn't want it to end like this. Josh was a great guy and she'd hoped to part ways amicably. Apparently, that wasn't meant to be.

He didn't even appear to have heard her last remark. "I'll admit that attacking him in the hospital was a little harsh, but you have to understand–"

He  _what?_

"You  _attacked Castle?_ " Beckett had a sudden, overwhelming urge to hit Josh, and hit him hard.

"He pushed you into it! He got you shot!"

"Nobody got me shot, Josh, except for the bastard who ordered the hit. Castle kept me safe." Anger bubbled up and rose in her throat, a sharp, biting flame that roared within her blood. Nobody hurt Castle. Nobody even  _touched_  Castle without her fucking say-so.

Josh must have sensed that he'd gone too far, but he wasn't backing off the way he used to. That was another thing she didn't like--he was scared of her. Not right now, though, because he had nothing to lose at this point.

"See? He's on a fucking pedestal in your head, Kate. I know you complain about him half the time but if anyone says a word against him you're on them like an attack dog."

That was it. That. Was. It.

"Get out, Josh." She was proud of how calmly she said it, how controlled she sounded. She liked control.

Maybe it was the look in her eyes. Maybe it was the deadly tone in her voice. Or maybe he knew her just well enough to know when a subject was closed. Either way, Josh turned and left. But not before he'd slammed the door behind him.

Suddenly, all the energy drained out of her, the fire that had blossomed in her chest smothered like a wet blanket over a campfire. Beckett collapsed onto her couch. Thank goodness that was over with.

She needed to call Castle. She owed it to him. It had been four months. Most of that had been spent at her dad's cabin, recovering with a combination of sleep, long hikes, alcohol and plenty of lights on at night. She hadn't talked to anyone during that time, not even Lanie. Shit, Lanie. She needed to call her, too, see how she and Esposito were doing… some best friend she was, huh?

Now that Beckett was back in the city, she'd had a few things to take care of. Josh, of course, but also her messy apartment, a worried and totally left-in-the-dark Maddie, her work-appointed therapist…

But she had no excuse now. She had to call him.

And she would.

…just not immediately. Tomorrow, maybe.

Or the day after.

Yeah. She'd call eventually.

* * *

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Lanie."

"Girl, I know that." Lanie dug into her salad with relish. "But buying me lunch at a place like this? Not necessary."

"I feel terrible."

Lanie could sense there was more to come, so she leaned back in her chair and fixed Beckett with her trademark _just spit it out already_  face.

"I mean, you and Espo was a shock, but it wouldn't have been if I'd been there for you. And that's just one example." Beckett looked down at her plate in guilt. "Castle told me about how you were at the hospital. I just… I just can't tell you how much…"

Lanie reached across the table and grabbed Beckett's hand, holding it comfortingly. "I know, baby. And it's okay. We all went through hell that day, but you had it the worst. We don't blame you for anything. Besides," she added, releasing Beckett's hand and turning back to her salad, "There's nothing you could've done about Javi and me."

"So how are you two, anyway?" Beckett asked. "You split up, but then you were getting real friendly at Ryan's wedding, and then with the dog show murder…"

"It's complicated, baby. Like you and Writer Boy." Lanie smirked.

Oh yeah. That.

Umm…

"Girl, you don't have to say a word," Lanie said, arching an eyebrow. "But let me tell you that none of us have failed to notice how you two've been lately."

"What do you mean?" Beckett blinked.

"Well for one thing, you've been smiling more. And for another," Lanie picked up her wine glass with a smile, "Javi and I weren't the only ones getting friendly at Ryan's wedding."

"Neither of us wanted to go single," Beckett protested.

"Uh-huh," Lanie said, nodding in fake agreement. "Sure, honey. If that's true, then I practice celibacy."

Beckett leaned back in her chair and groaned.

"All I'm saying, girl, is that you have to face it sometime," Lanie said, all serious for a minute. "And if I were you, I'd march over to that boy's house and tell him everything you  _didn't_ when you apologized to him."

The M.E. took a sip of wine and made a humming noise of approval. "At least tell me you took him out to this place as a part of your apology, 'cause this stuff is  _good_!"

Beckett had to smile.

* * *

She planned it out very, very carefully.

First, she called Castle, gave him a paper-thin excuse as to why she was calling, and then casually mentioned she was ordering takeout to be delivered to her place.

Next, she ordered said takeout.

After that, it was just a matter of waiting.

Well, waiting and doing her hair, redoing it, getting angry at it and cursing in the mirror, then after fifteen minutes of fussing leaving it the way it was originally.

When she heard his cheery knock at the front door, she tried not to rush to answer it. She walked slowly, pulling it open with a carefully-constructed polite face. She then did an excellent job of faking surprise when she saw Castle there, boyish grin firmly in place, her takeout held proudly in his hands like a prize he'd brought home from the science fair. Her heart did a flip-flop.

"Intercepted the delivery boy again, huh Castle?" She said, opening the door with a begrudging air and letting him in.

"I almost missed him, too. Caught him just as he was about to enter your apartment lobby." Castle grinned. That grin made her heart clench. At this rate, the poor organ would have a full calisthenics workout.

Castle made his way over to her table, spreading the Chinese takeout like it was a four-course meal at a five-star restaurant. Beckett watched him, a smile slowly creeping over her face.

She'd had crushes. She'd had flings. She'd had one-night-stands (lots of them during that rebellious stage right after her mother's death). She'd liked Demming, and tried to make it work with Josh. She'd thought she'd loved Royce, but now knew that she'd had hero-worship mixed with a desperate need for protection and the drive to  _feel_.

But this…

This was the first time she'd ever been in love.

It was the scariest thing she'd ever been through in her life. Sniper PTSD be damned--loving Richard Castle scared her so much she'd had nightmares about it going wrong.

As Castle turned to her, offering chopsticks, Beckett was suddenly reminded of Josh. Not the man himself, per se, but what he'd said to her right before she'd kicked him out. Or maybe he'd walked out. It was kind of by mutual agreement, actually.

But even though thinking of Josh was an activity she'd rather avoid, Beckett had to admit that he was right. He'd been a rebound after Castle accidentally broke her heart with Gina, and he'd been struggling in the writer's shadow ever since.

And another thing--something that Josh hadn't meant to point out but had, in fact, brought to light--something that she hadn't realized until that second. Josh had tried to do the exact same thing Castle was doing. He'd tried to heal her, to be there for her, to knock down her walls.

Why had Josh failed where Castle succeeded?

Why had Castle done everything exactly right, while Josh had done everything exactly wrong?

The answer was simple, of course: because he was Castle. He was her one and done.

"Beckett?" Castle looked a little worried, and Beckett realized with a start that she'd been staring off into space for the last couple minutes. "Are you okay?"

"What? Oh, yes, I'm fine." She offered him a smile. "I've just had a lot to think about lately."

"Same here." Castle nodded. "I've been engaged in a heavy debate with myself as to whether or not we should tell Lanie about Esposito and Kay Cappucio."

Beckett nearly burst out laughing. He always knew how to draw a smile out of her, and she was grateful that he was leading her thoughts towards more lighthearted fare. "You're honestly considering telling Lanie? Castle, if you wanted someone to murder you, all you had to do was ask."

"I was hoping for a more long and drawn out process. You'd just shoot me and get it over with." Castle winked at her as they sat down at the table. She sat on one side, and Castle sat next to her on the other side, so they were sharing the corner of the table--next to each other but able to look into each other's faces.

"Seriously, Castle, we are not going to say a word. So Esposito had a little puppy love. I doubt he'll ever see Kay again." Beckett said. "And besides, he and Lanie were doing so well. You saw them at Ryan's wedding."

"Yeah, but I also saw them at Antonio's murder scene. She bit his head off!" Castle almost whined, but not quite.

"This conversation sounds vaguely familiar… didn't I tell you the exact same thing with the Ryan and Jenny thing? It's none of our business." Beckett reached for the mushu pork. "I mean, we don't like people to know what's going on with our relationship, do we? Respect other people's privacy."

"I would agree with you, my dear Detective, except that there's no relationship for us to keep hidden from the others, so your argument falls flat." Castle winked. "And thank you for reminding me about that conversation--you know, you still haven't told me your number."

Beckett rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Castle? I'm not going to tell you. I mean, none of those numbers really mattered anyway. Most of them were back in my leather-and-motorcycle phase."

Castle served himself some of the fried rice. "Whatever you say, Beckett."

It was now or never. The conversation had set it up perfectly. Taking a deep breath to calm her suddenly raw nerves, Beckett reached over and lightly traced circles on Castle's hand with her index finger.

"There's only one number that matters to me," Beckett said softly, leaning forward. "Only one  _person_  that matters."

Castle stayed stock-still in his chair, unmoving. Beckett was surprised, but understood. He was letting her make the first move, just as he always had. A new rush of love swept through her.

Gathering her thin veneer of courage like a trembling cape, Beckett leaned forward and closed the final bit of distance between them, pressing her lips lightly against his. It was slow and sweet, a crystallized moment in time, but it wasn't going to stay that way.

Faster than either of them anticipated, things became heated. Beckett rose up from her chair, leaning over Castle who had brought his large hands up to grip her waist. He pulled her down onto his lap, and she quickly adjusted herself so that her legs were straddling him.

"God, Kate, the things you do…" He groaned, his eyes darkening so that only a fiery rim of burning blue could be seen, encircling the dangerous, hungry dark of his pupils.

Kate ground against him, feeling his hard erection pressed so close to where she wanted it. "Right back at you, Writer Boy," she gasped.

They dove for each other again, and Kate was just starting to decide that oxygen was really more of a luxury than an actual necessity when Rick slipped his hands underneath her shirt. His fingers skimmed along her stomach, reveling in making her flinch and flex her well-defined muscles before inching higher to cup her breasts. Kate gasped, breaking off the kiss as she arched her back into his touch, her head flinging back as he slipped his hands underneath her bra and pinched her nipples.

Having come to the conclusion that there were too many clothes on their bodies and not enough on the floor, Kate started to pull Rick's shirt out from where he'd tucked it into the waistband of his pants. Rick wasn't cooperating, however, and continued to play with her breasts. He then pulled her even closer towards him, and she instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck while he made it his mission to place a hickey on every inch of her smooth, creamy neck. Kate ground against him helplessly, unable to stop the movement of her hips.

Maybe it was the feeling of wrongness; maybe it was the lack of sex for – how long was it? At least eight months, maybe more – or maybe it was the fact that she was finally, finally getting to be with Richard Castle, but with another grind of her hips (Rick's zipper kept hitting her  _right there_ ) and a flick of her nipples, Kate came.

It was the tiniest, dirtiest, fastest, sharpest orgasm she'd ever had.

And she  _loved_  it.

Rick paused, his mouth hovering tantalizingly close to her pulse point, his breath making her blood race. "Did you just…?" His voice was a mixture of amazement, amusement and dawning smugness.

Kate knew she had to shut him up, and shut him up quickly, otherwise she'd never hear the end of it. Deciding that distraction would be best in this situation, she quickly finished pulling Rick's shirt off and latched her mouth onto his again, her hands skimming over his chest and delighting in how surprisingly well-defined it was.

"So this is what you've been hiding under all those dress shirts, Mr. Castle," she teased breathlessly, trailing kisses up his jaw to his ear before biting gently on the lobe.

"What can I say--I'm full of surprises," he replied, pushing both her blouse and bra off of her in an impossibly smooth movement.

He really did surprise her when he picked up her in his arms and stood up without stopping his oral ministrations to her neck. He nipped gently, his tongue both soothing the skin and teasing her, as he pressed openmouthed kisses down her body. Kate obligingly shifted a little and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing herself against him as close as she could.

It took them a bit to get to the bedroom, mostly because she was distracting Rick by grinding against him and using her mouth to drive him insane, and partly because they stopped halfway down the hallway so that he could push her up against the wall and feast on her breasts for a good minute and a half.

When they finally reached Kate's bedroom, Rick laid her down gently onto the bed. It wasn't at all what she had expected, and she was mildly surprised to watch as he hovered over her, propped up on his hands like he was going to do a push up, just staring at her. The mingled look of love, adoration, and lust (along with a signature twinkle in his blue eyes) took her breath away. Not in a whoosh or anything--she simply found that she no longer had air in her lungs.

It was too much.

"Rick…"

"Shh." He shushed her gently, laying a finger on her lips. She considered slipping it into her mouth to suck on it and distract him, but decided not to. She'd spent too long distracting and avoiding.

He continued to look at her, to gaze upon her. She was a visual feast. Her silky hair was splayed out onto the bed, framing her face with its fine bone structure and creamy-with-a-hint-of-coffee skin. Her large eyes, those deep pools of chocolate with their emerald and gold flecks, surveyed him with a mixture of confusion, apprehension, and trust. Mostly trust.

Trust… Yes, she trusted him. Trusted him with her life, with her secrets, with her flaws and her personal demons, with her joys and sorrows… she trusted him with her heart. She knew that he would keep it safe, keep her safe the way that guns and police training and all the rest never could. He'd keep her soul.

After a minute--or maybe it was just a few seconds or perhaps even an hour--Rick slowly lowered himself to her, pressing their bodies together. Kate groaned at the contact and immediately wrapped her arms and legs around him. He brushed his lips against hers; soft, barely-there butterfly kisses that seeped slowly into her skin like melting snow.

"You are so beautiful." His voice was choked with emotions--reverence, shock, awe, joy, and not least of all love. "I never thought… you chose me… so, so beautiful." He couldn't even complete his sentences.

Kate understood, and she felt tears well up in her eyes. It was as if her heart was swelling, and her whole body was filled with this unbearable lightness.

"Castle…" Her voice was a strange combination of a moan, a whisper, and a sob. He stopped the shower of kisses he was raining down on her face and lifted his head up, those piercing eyes as deep and rich a blue such as she had never seen.

She knew that her use of his surname would draw him to attention, show that she was serious. She tried to take a deep breath and quell the shuddery sobs threatening to take over.

"I love you too." She did her best to pour everything into those words. All of her hopes, all of her fears, her guilt and admission, her prayers and her dreams. She hoped that he understood how much she meant every word, because she did, oh she did; she meant those words more than anything else in her life. She believed in them more than any religion.

Rick smiled, and he kissed the top of her nose. "I know."

Damn, infuriating, self-assured childish no-good sneaky rotten oh  _God_  that was good don't stop please don't stop…

He had bent his head down and used his sinfully talented tongue to make a burning path from the hollow of her throat to her navel, pausing to pay due consideration to both of her breasts and the hard planes of her stomach. His mouth started to migrate even lower, and he slipped his hands underneath her butt, kneading her ass and teasing her clit through her drenched panties.

"Get… Get those off." Kate could barely complete a sentence.

"These aren't what I'm trying to 'get off'--" she nearly kicked him for that lame joke, "--but I'd hate to ruin such a lovely pair."

"You've already made me ruin them, in case you haven't noticed." Kate had no problem admitting that this particular pair, although nice, was soaked beyond repair.

Always eager to do as she said, Rick quickly slipped off the last barrier between them. Well, the last barrier other than his silk boxer briefs. Once the underwear had been discarded, flung God-knew-where, he turned his full attention to her aching center.

Okay, forget aching. Throbbing was more like it.

"Oh, God…" Kate moaned long and loud.

"My friends call me Rick." His chuckle reverberated through her clit, sending delicious vibrations through her body.

"Shut up and just – ah! Rick!" Her scolding was cut off when she felt his tongue enter her, his teeth scraping her clit  _just like that_ , and she was off again, catapulted to a crazy high that must have been akin to the one that drug addicts felt.

When she finally came back from her free-fall into charged bliss, Kate realized that Rick was slowly peppering kisses up her body.

"That…" He punctuated each word with a series of tiny kisses that sent electrical sparks zooming through her system. "Was… The… Sexiest… Thing… I've… Ever… Seen."

Kate pulled him up for a deep kiss, and tasted herself on his tongue. She went straight from damp to dripping. How could she still be this horny after two incredibly quick orgasms? Usually she was much harder to please.

Of course, usually she wasn't with Richard Castle.

"You, in me, now."

"Now that was the sexiest thing I've ever  _heard_." How the man could talk when her tongue was in his mouth, she had no idea.

She disengaged her mouth and pulled back just enough so that she could get a good look at his face. The lust that clouded his eyes was dark and hungry but still, surprisingly, playful.

"From now on, the only thing I want to hear from you are moans, got it?" She'd had just about enough of his teasing.

"Yes, ma'am." His grin was fast and appreciative.

After a minute of tracking down where exactly she'd hidden her box of condoms (it had been so long she'd forgotten), Kate was surprised when Rick pinned her to the bed, quickly sheathing himself. She was usually on top--she loved the feeling of power and control--but tonight, she was fine with letting him dominate, just a little.

And then he entered her, and it didn't matter who was on top or whatever. Nothing mattered except for the feel of him inside her. While he was well endowed, size had never been something she'd focused on necessarily. Yet he filled her, like an empty puzzle piece, falling into place like he was always supposed to be there. And, she supposed, he was.

Rick held still for a moment, basking in the feeling, but Kate was less patient. She needed him to move before she exploded from sexual tension. She gripped his shoulders firmly, bucking her hips.

He got the message.

They moved slowly at first, finding their rhythm before picking up speed. Kate's fingers at his back became nails as she scrabbled for purchase, the thought vaguely crossing her pleasure-addled brain that she hoped she hadn't drawn blood. Their hips rocked, thrusts becoming erratic and harsh. He was burying himself into her as far as he could go, and she was meeting him for everything thrust, her back arching. Gasps and moans were pushed out of her every time he drove into her, and she had a strange glimpse in her head, a mental image of a wall being hit and crumbling every time he thrust.

Rick slipped his hand between them, and Kate gasped as he found her clit. At first she couldn't move at all, and then her hips began to buck wildly, her entire body writhing uncontrollably as he worked her like he'd been doing this to her all his life.

Her orgasm hit her like a smack in the face: shocking, unexpected, and sudden. She shot up to some otherworld without sight, without sound, without any of her usual senses, where all she could do was  _feel_.

And somewhere, deep inside her, she felt the last of that wall collapse into dust.

She was vaguely aware of someone screaming her name (Castle) and someone screaming Rick's name--oh, wait… that would be her.

Wow, she was quite loud, wasn't she?

Some minutes or hours later, she drifted back to earth and became painfully aware of Rick's large body on top of hers. It appeared that his arms had given out at some point, and he was now lying flush on top of her.

Kate opened her mouth to say something, but Rick came to and realized what he was doing. He gently lifted himself off of her, pulling out as he did so.

"I'm sorry about that. I didn't realize I was crushing you." He gave her his lazy, lopsided grin; the one that made the corners of his eyes crinkle.

Instinctively missing his warmth, she scooted closer, entwining their legs and wrapping her arms around him gently. She felt raw skin under her hands and realized that even if she hadn't drawn blood, she had at least given him some rather painful scratches. She made a face.

Guessing what her face was for, Rick's grin widened. "Small price to pay for being with you. That was amazing," he assured her, kissing her temple lightly.

Kate closed her eyes, allowing the warm feeling of love to wash over her. "I seem to recall that was your response to the last time we kissed."

"Yeah, well, it's true." Rick's grin morphed into a warm, content smile. She smiled back before snuggling against him and closing her eyes. Sleep came swiftly, covering the lovers like a warm blanket.

* * *

Kate awoke sometime during the night, and was startled to feel an unusual warmth pressing against her back. She wiggled against it experimentally, and was rewarded by a sleepy mumble. She grinned as memories of last night came rushing back.

Glancing at the clock, she realized that it was only 1:30 a.m.--plenty of time for sleep.

In their sleep they had somehow switched positions so that they were spooning, their legs still entwined, Rick's breath ghosting across the back of her neck. His arms were wrapped around her, one hand resting on her stomach. She hadn't quite realized just how large his hands were until now. It nearly covered her entire stomach. Her own hands were wrapped around his, as if to keep him with her.

She was amazed, to be honest. Amazed at how well it worked out, at how good it was (forget  _him_  not having any idea--she was equally blindsided), and, most of all, how loved and happy she'd felt through the whole thing. No one had ever made her feel joyful while "knocking boots", and now that she'd had a taste of sex with Castle she knew she would never be happy with anyone else.

Maybe… maybe that wall wasn't as strong as she'd thought it was. Maybe it was just about letting the right person knock it down.

Kate settled back against Rick, trying to go back to sleep, but her body was awake now and fully aware of the incredibly sexy and incredibly talented man draped around her. His hand was stroking her stomach absentmindedly in sleep, and the simple action was enough to make a heat grow low in her belly.

Hmm… sleep was overrated anyway.

Turning in his arms, she decided to give him an early wake-up call.


End file.
